Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
