Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
