Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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