I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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