So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
