so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
