Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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