So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
