I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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