that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
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we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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