no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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