My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize