So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
