I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
