I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I just went to clothing optional bar
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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