my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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