I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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