maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize