the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize