Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There r osticjed everywhere
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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