I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
