Ambien. No doubt about it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
