Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
