whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
