Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
