i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
