One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
