In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
