We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
