Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my sisters under your porch take her home
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
