wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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