I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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