Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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