I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
