does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
