I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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