I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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