but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
