I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
