We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize