Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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