I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
