Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
