know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
