I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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