1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
