just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Acid is not a monday night drug
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
