3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
