the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
