I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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