I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
