so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
