There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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