I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
