So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
