New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
