Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
