I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
