Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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