Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I stole a fireplace last night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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