I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We're too hungover to prance.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize