I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
