Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
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Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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